Space Invaders.

We've started renovations on the house today, and I am immediately aware of the fact that strangers are in the process of ripping out chucks of my home to replace them with newer, shiner chunks.

It's a bit uncomfortable having to lift up and move all our stuff, clutter up our home for a little over a week just so we can make it prettier to sell at some point. It seems like that's always the case. You have to make yourself uncomfortable if you want things to get better.

I am immediately reminded of my recent trips to the dentist. Without insurance, these have been expensive and rather uncomfortable affairs of cavity filling and poking and prodding. All so that my teeth are good and don't fall out of my head. Don't get me wrong, I understand the purpose and reason for the adage, "No pain, no gain", but that doesn't make me resent it any less. When it's self-inflicted or self-induced discomfort in the name of progress, I can handle that. I can say, 'stop' when I need to because I'm in control. When it's other people, I can't. I don't think I'd be very good at bondage, I don't like relinquishing power at all. As people who know me will attest, I am a controller. I like doing the driving, the organizing, the talking, all in the name of keeping things on track in a manner that I choose.

For the two years I was without a car, it was hellish to say the least. Relying on others to do the driving meant I had to rely on others to do the planning, so they knew when they could pick me up or drop me off. It was a total loss of power, and it was very much a feeling of helplessness and uselessness.

I don't think it's a bad thing to want to be in control, some people are better at it than others. I know that when I plan and organize events (provided people adhere to them) that things get done and everyone's happy. It's when people start deviating from my plans, or do the planning themselves that I notice the seams in the system. Lack of communication is usually the biggest culprit, assuming that other people should just know what to do. I prefer to work with the assumption that people are generally helpless and need to be guided through things. Of course, when proven otherwise I remember that fact and treat that person differently and in fact expect more from them in the planning process. Otherwise it's just better to think everyone's dumb.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not pessimistic in that regard, but a rule of thumb that keeps you from being disappointed constantly is a good rule. I think as people get older, they don't so much become bitter, but rather more reserved in what they expect from people until they get to a point where they've stopped expecting things, and become surprised (pleasantly so) when things go the way they had hoped.

I'd rather be continuously surprised than continuously disappointed.