School.

Well, here I am. One week away from heading into college. This will be the first time I've been in an academic setting (with serious intent) since I was 19. As I near closer to the first day of school I find certain things are robbing the moment from me.

First off there's work. I had explicitly stated that I could only work certain hours, and yet on the schedule I am set to work almost the exact opposite of what I said was okay. Now I can understand that my boss is a busy woman, and having to remember a thousand things when making the schedule means that new things she's been told may get forgotten. That's not the issue here, what is the issue is that even if I remind her and we rectify the issue for a bit, it will still happen again. I can't afford to have a "scheduling error" occur during a week where I have finals, or I am needed at school to do the radio show. That will only serve to harm my school career and I can't allow that to happen.

Work has become an interesting place to attend in its own right. There's a certain sub-culture amongst retail employees and I can't say I often care for it. I don't mean to blame the matter on my all female staff, but I do find there's a fair amount of "talking" going on. That is to say, be careful what you tell someone because it will go beyond that person to unknown numbers of others. There's no one particular culprit in this matter, I find it's often the case with most of the staff. I know the slips aren't done maliciously, but they still occur and it can be dangerous to truly open up at work. Some people will say that you need to keep your work and social life separate. I can certainly see why, but when you spend as much time as one does at work, and these people become a huge part of your day it's hard to not let them in on certain things.

It's why I need to approach the schedule matter as tactfully as possible. It's like surgery where you need to go in, extract the anomaly and get out without nicking an artery or upsetting an organ. It's not easy, that's for sure. I think that's one of my hesitations with returning back to this particular job. I feel somewhat powerless amongst the rest of the staff. Often times I feel less involved in the machinations of the company, and instead more of a tool that the staff and managers know how to wield to get results. With my sore shoulder and arm those functions are certainly decreased, but I'm often too proud/stubborn/shy to let them know that I'm in pain.

It's an aspect of school that I don't need to worry about. I can be as open or as closed as I want at school and the only person demanding excellence out of me, is me. While the teachers have certain expectations as to what's required to pass the course (hence grades), their investment in me isn't that specific. It's up to me to push myself to do as well as I can and get the marks I need to truly make college worthwhile.

I look forward more to the graduating aspect of school than school itself. That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to school, but I like the idea that once I'm done school I will have opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me. I will no longer be relegated to positions in retail and service. I can actually contribute to society in a manner of my choosing. I can be on air doing something that I love to do, and make a decent enough wage while doing it.

As I embark upon this scholastic endeavor wish me luck, for once I have set foot inside those halls I will be taking my last step out of "aimlessness" and first step into "driven".