Some of the scariest things I have to do in life involve making changes, especially changes that impact other people. I'm fairly comfortable with changes I make for myself, or changes others make on my behalf or that effect me so long as they're not violent or harmful changes.
I think this circles back to my concern that I never really know what's going on in people's heads. Call it a degree of narcissism, call it insecurity, but what I feel is a fear of not knowing what's going on in other people's heads. I'm fairly in tune with my own emotions. I know I have the education and vocabulary necessary to formulate what's going on in my head into words that express this. I'm fairly straight forward with my friends, and like I've said before very few thoughts enter my head that don't exit my mouth. It's my way of remaining transparent so I won't be misunderstood. With other people though it's not so easy. I'm left to decipher words, facial expressions, body language, all in the name of knowing exactly what they're thinking.
Tomorrow at work I am going to be giving my notice of resignation to my boss. It's always hard for me to leave a place of work because I fear they will take it personally. It's never a reflection on my peers, but in this case it's a reflection on the needs of a business not coinciding with my own needs. Pier 1 has been a fantastic place to work. I worked their initially out of necessity when I got my first apartment, but I came to love the people I worked with. It was actually something I looked forward to when I went to work. When I left because of my illness it was out of necessity that I resigned. When I called to see if they still had a spot open back in the summer it was once again a matter of necessity that I find employment. Pier 1 was something I knew, and it was something I was comfortable doing after being out of the workforce for nearly two years.
However,
I can't help but feel as though I've been a square peg trying to fit itself into a round hole. I can do Pier 1, I really can. I know how to sell the products and I know how to work with people. The issue is that I don't have the passion for the product itself. There are items and furniture pieces that I like, but it's not like being a BMW enthusiast and selling them for a living. It's much more a matter of basic retail than it is of following a dream. I'm doing what's required to put gas in my car and pay my bills.
With the scheduling conflicts I can foresee on the horizon I felt it prudent to step down now before I get myself in too deep, and too close to Christmas. While it will be stressful for a while at Pier 1 while they arrange the schedule to accommodate my departure, it's nothing that a thousand different businesses haven't done a thousand other times. I think that goes back to the narcissism bit. I feel that without my hand involved in the function of something I was once part of it will fall to ruin. I don't know why I think this way, but it's a deep feeling in my gut that I can't shake.
I think it's time I see my therapist again, before school really takes off in full swing. Clearly there's some anxiety issues creeping up on me.
Dude, I think I have grasped the fact that they expect turnover. I accepted a job, completed training, and then sadly was offered a better job. I told them this, and left. I hate to take 2 weeks pay (though on my one shift selling I blew everyone else out of the water) I still feel that I wasted their time. But that's how minimum wage retail jobs go.
ReplyDeleteYes, looked at from a shaky Zen position, lift your foot out of the Pier 1 bucket of water and see what happens in that bucket--and how quickly it happens. You have done the right thing. Trust yourself. You're back in the flow!
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