Procedural Pensiveness.

Every now and then I am astonished by my family's intelligence capacity.

While sitting around with some family friends we got discussing religion. Now, religion in our household wanders between two camps: grounds for friendly debate and totally ignored. My mother is the only religious one in the family. It could be said that my dad is more spiritual than religious, and the three of us boys don't really give it much thought in their day to day life. By nature I am an argumentative person. This isn't to say I am aggressive, but I do like to have friendly debates about subject because I may just learn something either about myself or others that I didn't know before and that's really exciting.

We discussed (the family friends, my parents and myself) the existence of God and the purpose of religion, primarily the Jehovah's Witnesses my mother entertains. While I won't really get in to what was being said the conversation did yield unexpected fruit. I was in my room watching some silly videos with my older brother Jess when my dad came in and tried to impress upon Jess how he (my dad) felt that he (my brother) would have responded to the entire situation. I had to clarify the statement to my brother as I tend to have a knack for understanding the sometimes archaic way my father speaks. My brother's response is what was really amazing, he said "God exists for me because he exists for other people. I can say I don't believe in wind, but that won't stop it from pushing me over. People believe in something and whether I do or don't doesn't change that belief. The existence of God as those people want to understand it means that I have to believe that they believe in it." That's not entirely verbatim, but it's close.

Jess isn't terribly vocal when it comes to religion or such matters. I think it's understood he falls in the same camp as my younger brother Paul. They just don't really think about religion or let it govern their life and therefore they're agnostic by default. I'm closer to being an atheist then they are, but only because I spend more time vocalizing my opinions. To hear him say what both my dad and I felt was an incredibly understanding sentiment was really reaffirming. If not only because it helped to solidify in my mind where Jess stands on the matter, but because it introduced a new way to think about the subject. Belief of God as prerequisite for believing people. Neat! I think it's important to state that it didn't change the way I think, but it did allow me another insight into how others may think. For someone who's often labeled as being one of the more stubborn members of our family, I think Jess has a certain Zen approach to life. He doesn't argue what can't be argued. It's smart, if somewhat complacent in my opinion.

I don't think it's wrong to follow a safe way of thinking no matter how revolutionary or compassionate it may seem, but for me it doesn't work. If I don't challenge myself and the others around me I feel like an artist with a lump of formless clay. It is by pushing and pulling at the medium that I accomplish form and semblance. I need to illustrate my thoughts in three dimensions in order to get a better hold of them. My brother is apparently capable of looking at the clay and saying, "That could be made into a car, a box, a bowl or an animal" and walking away. I, on the other hand need to separate the claw into four pieces and construct a car, a box, a bowl and a cat in order to prove that the clay can be bent to my will and that I have the skills required to create.

Yup, that's just how life goes here at the French household.