Limited Time Offer.

Free. Every company with the means to give their product away for free, just so you'll get hooked on their stuff is up to something. The concept of "free samples" seems rather limited to the consumable market. We get free samples of food, room sprays, internet services; all of which have expiry dates on them. When I'm walking through the supermarket for groceries, and some lab tech-costumed rep hands me a sausage on a tooth pick my first thought is not, "Oh neat, I shall now seriously consider buying your product". Instead I'm thinking, "Oh neat, I shall now seriously consume your stick meat, HAZMAT soldier."

While I'm sure the practice works for getting people hooked on products (otherwise they wouldn't do it), it falls flat on me. If you really want to get me hooked to what you're hawking then give me something I really want to try for free. I'd like to go into Roots and have them hand me a t-shirt. I'll think, "my word, how comfortable" and go and buy some more. I don't really care if the shirt magically dissolves after 48 hours, in fact that would make me want to shop there more. What about prescription medicine? There's a market for you. Get patients the very best drugs, as a free sample and when they realize how wonderful they feel, they'll overlook the $28,000 price tag. By the way, that's not an exaggeration, one of my medications costs that much.

Some companies are very, very clever with this free offer concept. First in my mind is McDonald's. Several times a year they will put their coffee on for free. You just walk in, ask for a coffee and they hand you a cup. Here's the catch, though. No one walks into a McDonald's and just asks for a coffee. They'd look cheap and just a bit foolish. Therefore, people will get a muffin, or an egg McMuffin. Suddenly your free coffee just cost you $3.49. The best part is that coffee is by fact of its ingredients, very cheap to make. It's beans and hot water. How people can convince themselves that a $6.00 Mocha Alpacino from Starbucks is okay is boggling. I should know, I buy them and I have no idea why.

I wonder if red light districts have meretricious free samples. I suppose by the very nature of their business and the way in which they draw in customers is offering up free samples. A little leg, perhaps a breast or two.

If prostitution is the oldest trade, would that make the free sample the oldest form of marketing?