Trow Dropping.

When we're children there are several realities we come to learn. Things like the death of a pet, the lack of a real Santa Claus, what it means to fib and that are parent's aren't flawless. They all come at pivotal moments in our lives and we never forget them. Not unlike Dorothy having the Wizard of Oz revealed to her as simply a man behind the curtain, we too find that there's always something less spectacular behind concepts and people we magnify.

I was watching Mythbusters, one of my favourite television programs. Without going into too much detail, it was revealed that Kari - who is for all tense and purposes the sex appeal of the show - was a germophobe or a mysophobe. This is one of many cracks that has appeared in the veneer that is her allure. Why do the sexy ones always have to be crazy? Physically she's still an attractive actress/scientist/artist, but little hangups like that get under my skin. I think it's partly because of my own medical battles that encountering someone who's more prone to say, "Yuk, gross" rather than, "Oh, that's interesting" is a bit taxing. I'm sure there have been times where people have wanted to confess their discomfort with my condition, but didn't out of tact. It's really appreciated on this end, as I am not oblivious to my condition or the effect it can have on people. As there's nothing I can do about it, I rely upon the kindness of others to keep me from feeling like a burden. I recall distinctly a former employee I worked with who said straight-faced that she was grossed out by skin flakes and dandruff. She followed this up by saying that my condition didn't bother her.

Which is it?

That's like saying you're a Klan member, but really value the time you spend in Harlem. You can't say something harmful then buy it back by confirming with your converser that they don't fall within those parametres when they so clearly do. As you can imagine I no longer keep in touch with this individual.

Back to what I was saying, people with what I consider silly "issues" are hard to deal with. I understand legitimate fears like not wanting to walk home at night by yourself or a fear of big scary dogs. This should not extend to all dogs, especially puppies. Reservations about things are compensations for something else in my view. Almost as if to say, "Subject A scares the shit out of me, but in order to compensate for that I'll also be uncomfortable with subject B in order to distract myself about subject A." I don't know if that's the medical logic behind it, but it makes sense to me.

People have baggage, there's no doubt about that. I feel sorry for whomever I end up with (if I end up with anyone), because they're going to be getting a trunk full of my past. Some people can roll with this really well, and don't focus too much on people's past. I don't. To me someone's past is so vital to understanding who they are. If I found out that before me my hypothetical girlfriend dated girls I'd know immediately to stay the hell away, run for cover and toss a grenade over my shoulder in the process. I'm not looking for chaos and kink. I'd settle for natural hair, sweaters and running shoes. Once upon a time I was drawn into the idea of someone unique looking, but I learned that people only choose to look "autre" if they're either looking for attention, or looking to avoid attention. Either way it's not something I find attractive anymore.

People are complex enough without adding purple hair and lip rings.