Full Out.

I've always been sort of an all or nothing at all individual. When I get involved with something I always take it right to the limit, that is of course if I don't drop it immediately. If I start a painting I work on it for several hours, ignoring sleep, eating and washroom breaks. I engross myself with the task at hand until my fingers are sore, my eyes sting and I am totally spent. It's the same with things like my progress in video games. I've been known to start a game and finish it in a single sitting just because I have to. I am reminded of a 23 hour marathon I inadvertently completed for the game Ogre Battle 64. My younger brother would stop by my room on occasion to help my farm for equipment for a bit, and was there for a good portion of that event.

I don't think I'm an obsessive person, but I am something of a perfectionist. I don't mean in that really anal retentive sort of way that requires things to be "just so". Rather I set my mind on something and in order to feel satisfied with whatever I'm doing I must take it to it's absolute limit. Things like this blog, for instance. I imagine that if it will become something of a legacy for me simply because I want it to be the most fulfilling thing I've ever written. It actually irritates me that there's spelling and grammar errors in it. Not enough to do anything about it, though.

I think I get this quality from my dad. I've mentioned what he's like in previous posts. Suffice to say there's a good deal of my personality I get from him. This "perfectionist" quality, or whatever you want to call it works the other way too. If I start a task and I cannot fathom a way for it to turn out like I intend it to, I generally slack off or trash the whole thing altogether. If there's other people involved I suck it up and work hard, but if it's something just for me then I feel okay with letting it slide.

I have yet to have this bite me in the ass in any significant way. I mean, there's been times where my behaviour in this regard has proven to be slightly self-destructive, but not in any irreparable way. It has also led to some lows in my life, generally fixed with an iced coffee or something. I do often use food to treat the blues. Delicious self medicating.

I didn't have a lot to say in this post. Just a little insight I suppose.